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 Post subject: Tell Me More Challenge - "When Rebels Need Courage"
PostPosted: Fri Nov 17, 2017 5:30 am 
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Here's my corny attempt :P :

Roger Jackson, or Jack, is a somewhat normal nineteen-year-old who likes cats and pianos and climbing on roofs. What he doesn't know is that his adoptive family is involved in a rebel organization that is trying to reform his country. He doesn't know the secret workings that are behind the disappearances that have been reported recently. He doesn't know his life is about to turn upside down. He doesn't know- but he's about to find out.

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 Post subject: Re: Tell Me More Challenge - "When Rebels Need Courage"
PostPosted: Fri Nov 17, 2017 9:01 am 
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I'm in between "Tell Me More" and "Can you expand on..."

Can you expand on what choice Jack must face? What is the "ticking time bomb" that will cause trauma if he fails?

Posing a "Yes or No" question as a part of the blurb is something I read recently. Can't say I'm doing it well but it seems to add good stress. In your blurb Jack is the type of guy I'd hang out with and I enjoy stories where things aren't quite as they seem.

Now, if you want to put him in a sci-fi setting I have just the place. :P

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 Post subject: Re: Tell Me More Challenge - "When Rebels Need Courage"
PostPosted: Sat Nov 18, 2017 7:34 pm 
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I like the "what he doesn't know" repetitions but the "secret workings and life upside" parts are kind of vague/generic. How can you make it more unique and specific?

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 Post subject: Re: Tell Me More Challenge - "When Rebels Need Courage"
PostPosted: Mon Nov 20, 2017 5:39 pm 
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For those of you who keep up with this challenge, I highly recommend the affordable "Finding the Core of your Story" by our own Jordan Smith.
https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Core-You ... B00AM24C5U
This book is a great resource for writing the exact kind of hooks or "elevator pitch" that you're trying to do with the first posts in this series.
And I swear I'm not Jordan Smith, so this is not self-promotion.

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 Post subject: Re: Tell Me More Challenge - "When Rebels Need Courage"
PostPosted: Tue Nov 21, 2017 9:06 pm 
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Reiyen wrote:
For those of you who keep up with this challenge, I highly recommend the affordable "Finding the Core of your Story" by our own Jordan Smith.
https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Core-You ... B00AM24C5U
This book is a great resource for writing the exact kind of hooks or "elevator pitch" that you're trying to do with the first posts in this series.
And I swear I'm not Jordan Smith, so this is not self-promotion.


I can confirm that he is, in fact, not Jordan Smith, because I've met both of them in person. :rofl: But I second the plug for this book!

I think your set-up and your family backstory is all great! What I think the blurb itself is missing is action on Jack's part. The entire blurb right now is setting and backstory, and a hint that something bad will happen--but Jack isn't doing anything. Does he stumble across something? Make a mistake? Go off in search of the truth? What does he do that catalyzes the events of the book?

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