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 Post subject: Need some help hiding the reveal from the MC
PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2017 11:26 am 
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Deep into the first major editing ordeal the writer looks up and seeks inspiration.

In TDW.1429.1 there are two major reveals. One happens about one third into the book and the other about two thirds in. The MC is an almost thirteen year old lady who has had to deny the second and most major reveal because her data says otherwise.

The first reveal links to the second. I'm trying to figure out ways to legitimately hide the second from her as it is life-changing.Yet I don't want her to look so dumb as to not "get it" either.

"Someone in your family has a common name, it seems. They have the same name as a famous person in a far away place. You've spent a large part of your life saying 'no, sorry, it's not him' over and over again. Yet one day you find out that he has actually been to that far away place. He's known there. What a coincidence!"

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 Post subject: Re: Need some help hiding the reveal from the MC
PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2017 5:04 pm 
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Can you write out in detail what both reveals are, for the benefit of everyone? (Spoilers are okay.) I know the gist because I read the book, but I want to hear explicitly what you intended for both reveals.

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 Post subject: Re: Need some help hiding the reveal from the MC
PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2017 10:43 pm 
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Didn't want to spoil things for my "Ever Enthusiastic Reader". Lets see if I can do this right.

####

A question of reveals. The theme of the book is Al gaining a stronger relationship with her dad. The genre is MG Sci-Fi Action-Comedy.

Twelve year old Alba “Al” Domici has spent a long time telling people about her dad. “No, he’s not that Marco Domici. My dad just has the same name. My dad is a part time seminary professor and last year folks took up a collection for our Christmas presents.” The other “Marco Domici” helped save millions of lives on Birach (a nearby star system), earned a noble title, and then disappeared a few years later.

Like many young women and men Al dreams of being famous, rich. Special. She practices rifle shooting to earn a scholarship spot on the team as a way to her goal. She has an unconscious crush on the team coach (bronze medalist in the 1416 games) and idolizes the female team captain. Her relationship with Dad is strained because she thinks “almost thirteen” makes her an adult and he still treats her like a little girl. Besides, dads don’t know what girls go through.


Then a young man and woman come to the house. They seem to know Dad.

Reveal #1:

The man is 21 and one of Al’s two older adopted brothers. The woman is 17 and is Al’s niece since the woman’s mom is Al’s older (30) adopted sister. They both live on Birach.


Six thugs attack Al, Dad, and her friends. Al’s dad defeats the thugs.

Reveal #2

On Birach there’s a group of warriors called “the Dragons”. Al’s dad helped form the group and he is referred to as “The Dragon”.


In Al’s darkest moment her dad must throw her off the team because she maliciously endangered a teammate and friend. The goal is to make a logical reason that Al would be mostly surprised by--

Reveal #3:

There is no “other” Marco Domici. Al’s dad is a hero and she is a noble. In 1416, when Coach was winning the bronze, her dad was saving thousands of lives.

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 Post subject: Re: Need some help hiding the reveal from the MC
PostPosted: Sun Aug 20, 2017 1:58 am 
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I don't think you'll have any problems with #1 and #2. There is no reason she would know "them" from #1 if they'd never met and her father never discussed extended family. There's also no reason she would have heard about #2 in any significant manner, so unless the newly-revealed #1 people discuss it, that should also come as a surprise.

The main struggle will be with #3. Honestly, the only issue is the fact that the name is the same. If the name wasn't the same--even if the first name was different--then it could be easily excused. Not everyone with the same last name is of near relation, so the last name is easy to excuse. The first name is hard, and to be honest, always felt like a plot hole to me. If he's "in hiding," why didn't he change his name or start using a middle name? That seems like an easy fix to make in editing.

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 Post subject: Re: Need some help hiding the reveal from the MC
PostPosted: Sun Aug 20, 2017 11:13 pm 
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Milda referred to the Domici as an infestation, there are a lot of them. There's also a sort of "what you wanted was right in front of you" I'm trying to get in Al. This isn't a "kid" issue but even us grups stumble around a lot.

That's why the same name. Al isn't stupid but she's not attentive to things outside of her areas of focus. Her "big" dream is competing on a local sports team. She doesn't have the confidence to think she'll make it to another planet to play so she doesn't put a lot of time into her social studies class.

Which is funny since her dad instigated a lot of things she read about in school.

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 Post subject: Re: Need some help hiding the reveal from the MC
PostPosted: Wed Aug 23, 2017 3:59 pm 
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Google any of us and there's probably quite a few out there. (Hence author's I know going by a pen name rather than risk being associated with a porn actress, etc.) And the more popular the name, the more of us there will be. My dad's name is Michael Anthony B--- so there's absolutely hundreds of them just in this country and I'd bet there's a bunch in England/Ireland too. When I was in community college there was another girl enrolled with the same first & last name as me. I never met her but what are the odds of both of us attending a 2-year college at the same time? Thankfully our middle initials were different so we could always easily distinguish during registration and picking up our free student tickets to humanities events.

Fiction walks a tricky line of being realistic but not too realistic. So I think if there's enough emphasis on how a lot of people have the same name, then it's perfectly understandable Al wouldn't realize. Though if he's even slightly attempting at hiding, I'd think he'd either have changed his name now or gone by something else back then. And if you're wanting the reader to not know, his having the same name isn't going to work. Maybe the same initials or just the same last name. But not the exact same name.

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 Post subject: Re: Need some help hiding the reveal from the MC
PostPosted: Wed Aug 30, 2017 3:59 am 
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Ever Enthusiastic Reader, here! (Who hasn't been doing a good job of checking up on topics she's not subscribed to, and thus has missed this until now)
So...um...I did read the spoilers. Sorry..... What can I say? I'm anxious to get my hands... err... eyes... on anything you've written that I can. But I've got to say, spoiler number three isn't exactly a surprise (and not just because of what just happened in Ought Five and One Two Three). However, while it probably won't be a surprise to the readers, since readers tend to be suspicious of these kinds of things, I think it's safe to say that Al won't see it coming. She may be beginning to see (through the first two reveals) that her Dad's not all who she thought he was, but she would still see him as "just Dad". And she's probably not going to be too ready to doubt the story she's been telling everyone else her whole life.

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